THE BATHTUB TEST

 

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket

because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?"

MONGOLIAN VD

While visiting   China, an American man is sexually promiscuous, and doesn't use a condom at all times. A week after arriving back home in the

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to

return in two days for the results.

The man returns in a couple of days and the doctor says: 'I've got bad news for you --- you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost

The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day the man seeks out a Chinese doctor figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and

proclaims: 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease.'

The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to

'Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor. 'You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself! '

GO GIT CHA MOMMA

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous,

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son....

'Boy..................go git cha Momma..............'

AN ENGLISHMAN AN IRISHMAN AND A SCOTSMAN traditional

'Y'know' said the Scotsman, 'I still prefer the pubs back home.

In Glasgow there's a wonderful little bar called McTavish's.

The Landlord there goes out of his way for the locals, so much that

'Well', said the Englishman, 'at my local, the Red Lion, the Barman

'Ahhhhh, that's nothin', me buckos', said the Irishman. 'Back home in

Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink,

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims.

'Well,' said the Englishman 'did this actually happen to you?'

'Not to me myself, personally, no,' said the Irishman,

MAN’S BEST FRIEND

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the boot of   the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, who is really happy   to see you?

THE FOOD OF LOVE

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs? A

slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'

He declines.

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something.   'A bowl of

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.   'Would you

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra . . . I'm still

 'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'

QUASIMODO’S REPLACEMENT

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he

The bishop was incredulous.   "You have no arms!"  

"No matter," said the man.   "Observe!"

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rang a bell."

WAIT! WAIT! There's more. .   .   

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.  

"I don’t know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but.( . . . Wait for it . . .) (. . .   It's worth it. . .)                

"but he's a dead ringer for his brother".  

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